You know what I'm craving? Buncha Crunch

The big crunch is on with T minus four days to the great Pagan celebration that is free candy and slutty costumes. Settled on a design for this year's disguise and, for once in a long time, I actually have a decent disguise idea. Living with a vegan has exposed me to something wonderful, and it's call seitan. Which, according to this spell check, isn't even a word. I was pronouncing it "satan" though it is actually quite delicious. Apparently it's made out of wheat and can be seasoned to taste like real food. Try it on the BBQ Seitan sammich at Handlebar.

There has been a lack of fiction in my life, but an abundance of nonfiction and poetry, so I think it balances out. At least I'm writing because otherwise I'd feel lazy as shit what with Andreas trying to write an entire novel in a month.

Check out The Mountain Goats and There I Fixed it.

Elevator eyes can cost your citizenship

Recently started a new job but I will not disclose the name. What I will do is say that it is the most classic building toy company ever. On my first day they had me read all this propaga-literature about the company and appropriate behavior and dress. So I'm not allowed to give an unwanted massage to a coworker? In my experience that's been a completely ordinary action. But throughout the countless rules and guidelines, they refer to the employee as a "Model Citizen." Naturally a toy store would find it ideal to keep an environment free of drugs and alcohol, but they also go to the extent that if any of their "citizens" huff, snort, shoot, smoke, or drink, that they will do what they can to help that citizen. The terminology is slightly more cult-ish than "team member," though slightly less than "family member." On the flip-side, listening to kids get extremely excited about toys brings a significantly more sincere smile to my face than some lady going on about how cute she thinks that dress is.

This is where you pee.

Creation has commenced. Everybody else has a blog, so hauled my ass onto that bandwagon. I'm Zack. I write. I enjoy. This is where I define my existence. And tell anecdotes about my roommate's dog. If you at least find some of this funny, my goal has been reached.